Tuesday, October 7, 2008

the best worst poem EVER.


If you are fortunate enough to own a "Stupidest Things Ever Said" page-a-day calendar, then perhaps you already noticed this. I'm banking on the fact that you don't, and haven't. A dear friend of mine alerted me that today's stupidest thing ever said was a poem, titled The Sprig of Moss, that contained a stanza about lithography and its inventor Alois Senefelder. I was not satisfied with a mere stanza and sought out the poem on the world wide web navigation system (the thing we use until computers fail and printmaking takes over the world). I found not only a few more juicy quips to accompany the first, but an entirely huge poem written about the discovery of lithography. It is simply craptastic. If it were a taste, it would taste like cat toes and caviar, or perhaps better yet, eggs benedict drizzled with a toe jam hollandaise. 

Unfortunately, I can not include the entire text of the poem here. I could, but it is long, and it's best you read it on the official website because you will definitely want to peruse more of William Topaz McGonnagal's ensnaring and delightfully terrible works. Arguably the worst poet to write in the English language, I believe McGonnagal has rightfully earned a spot in the prestigious "Stupidest Things Ever Said" page-a-day calendar. I will leave you with a sampling of this poem, sure to whet your palette.


P.S. - I especially like how he rhymes "day" with "Lithography", which insinuates that we are to pronounce the word "lithographay", which is just plain ridiculous. I'm sure this is some sort of writer's trick, "creative license" type schlop. William Topaz McGonnagal, hats off to you my friend, for you are truly a terrible writer.

1 comment:

Beki said...

I believe that the attempted device was a slant rhyme. However, in the literary world, we call his use of slant rhyme "a right mangling."